Underwear Obsession

Review: Garcon Model Green Brief

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To make the perfect loaf of bread with a golden brown crusty exterior and a light airy soft interior you need not only have the finest of few simple ingredients, you need the experience to know how best to bring them all together. Bread is made up merely of water, flour, fat, and leavening. It’s easy to combine them to make bland, basic, textureless bread. It takes an artist to combine those same ingredients to make the perfect loaf. 

This same story applies well to the business of manufacturing underwear. It’s not enough to have the most modern materials; the process of putting those materials together to make a comfortable, well–wearing, and nicely designed garment is an art few labels have mastered. I’m here to tell you that Garcon Model is on the short list. I haven’t been so impressed by a pair of underwear in quite some time.

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The formula here is fairly simple. Take the softest micromodal available, perfectly formulated to keep you dry and well supported throughout the day, and combine it with a silky waistband that provides just the right amount of support (Too tight and a waistband gets uncomfortable during the day. Too loose and the garment sags and allows the body fabric to ride up.) One of the things that’s hard to get right on a brief is the cut of the leg openings. These briefs find the perfect spot to wrap around my backside so that I need not adjust them even once throughout the day. I’m serious! It’s not magic being employed here. Garcon Model gets it right by paying extreme attention to the smallest of details. 

I’m grasping at straws to find a fault here. While my personal style does trend towards the fun and bright textures of brands like Björn Borg and Supawear, the simplicity of solid colored body fabrics paired with similarly minimal waistbands creates a “classic” feeling similar to way a Ralph Lauren polo epitomizes its category.  

In Brief
If you’re the type of man who simply wants the best of everything in your life, then I insist you try a pair of Garcon Model briefs. Everything from the minimalist design to the expert use of modern materials makes these a perfect pair of undies. My only wish is that I could buy them in more colors. 

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Underwear Rehab

This is my second time being put in rehab. Fuck this shit man. I don’t even have a problem. People need to relax a little. I am not doing no one any harm, I just really dig underwear. Apparently I’ve “hit rock bottom” this time because I mugged some bratty teenager on the street. He was wearing the new limited edition boxers I wanted. I mean shit, I offered him fifty bucks but the lil twarp just laughed at me. So I took what I felt was rightfully mine cause I know I look better in them. 

Window Washer

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Through these windows I’ve seen some pretty crazy things. You’d think a stuffy midtown office building would provide nothing more than monotonous corporate routines and the wayward stares of people who brought their bodies with them to work but nothing more. But boy, I tell you what, I’ve seen it all. One day I’m going to wash those damn windows in my tighty whities just to give ‘em a taste of their own medicine.

Delay Fish

I just can’t help it. I always try to be ready in time but something always pops into my head when I’m about to walk out the door that I feel I need to take care of immediately. Usually it involves my outfit and in most cases that means making sure my underwear not only compliments what I’m wearing but also fits my mood. It surely doesn’t help that I have, like, a bazillion pairs, I guess. Oh well, I guess that’s why they call me Delay Fish.

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Review: Nasty Pig Systematic Brief

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Today’s underwear industry is thriving and as a result niche brands are able to make big business out of serving men with very particular taste in their undergarments. And it seems that no segment is given as much attention and choice from new underwear brands than the gay male demographic. Some brands, like Supawear, aim for the gays with their products but keep things more neutral in their marketing. Other brands, like Andrew Christian, make no qualms about defining their target audience using over–sexualized, semi–pornographic marketing. And if the niche of selling underwear designed and marketed to gay men wasn’t risky enough a NYC–based brand called Nasty Pig has taken things a step farther.

I wouldn’t dream of trying to describe Nasty Pig’s target customer in words. Luckily their latest marketing video does a pretty damn good job of just that. While I may not be one of the rough and tumble, young, bearded gay men from their video, I have seen enough Nasty Pig logos peeking out of waistbands to know I needed to try a pair.

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Now, this ain’t my first rodeo when it comes to Nasty Pig. I’ve showed off one of their jock straps in an earlier post. And now that I’ve tried a few pair I have noticed a couple things common to Nasty Pig underwear. The first thing I notice when I remove a fresh pair from its box is how high quality the materials are. The body fabric here isn’t just simple cotton. Nasty Pig uses a combed cotton with a very tight and small vertical rib texture that adds a luxurious feeling and weight to the body fabric. Unfortunately, while it looks good, it can be very unforgiving on a hot day. I would like to see Nasty Pig start making garments using more modern materials that breath better and hold their shape longer throughout the day. Even the nastiest of pigs doesn’t want a soggy piece of cotton wedged between his cheeks. 

The other thing I find common to Nasty Pig undergarments is a tendency to run larger than their stated sizes. While their sizing information describes their fit as “Nice and snug”, I find that I need to size down to get the fit I am used to. 

In Brief
The quality of design and craftsmanship in a pair of Nasty Pig undies makes you feel like you got what you paid for. If you are looking for a pair of underwear with a lot of fun attitude, these will surely set the mood for you. If however, you’re looking for the most comfortable everyday briefs I’d look elsewhere.

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Beach Pride

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I’ll be honest; if I didn’t have a blog about underwear I would not own a pair of briefs that look like a Mexican gay pride festival. But I figured I should be showing you all the latest trends so here I am, Pasty McPastyson wearing a spectacular pair of horizontal color–striped undies that could double as an emergency flare if one were stranded on a remote–island beach somewhere. They certainly reach a little outside of my personal taste, but you cannot deny they are a fun pair of undies. 

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Summa Cum Laude

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I’ve done everything right my whole life. I’ve always listened to the overbearing advice of my parents and taken great care in avoiding the common vices of my peers. And even though it often made me uncomfortable to be there, I’ve been at the top of my class since they began to rank us in primary school. Imagine the shock and surprise on my entire family’s faces as they announced my name and I sauntered across the stage wearing nothing but my skivvies and graduation cap. It was the single greatest moment in my young adult life.

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